Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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