does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
