remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
