I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
