we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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