we're blogging at a bar
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
