Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
