Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
