So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
