Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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