I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
