I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
