You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
