Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
