I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
