I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I party with great urgency now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
