Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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