you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
