Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
