glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
