Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
