I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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