I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
