I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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