the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
