I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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