Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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