I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
