Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
