it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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