we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
