i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
