What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
