holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
