Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
