i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
