Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
