two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
