so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
