I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
