Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
