jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
