The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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