I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
