He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
