HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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