I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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