All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
