Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
