Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drake has all the answers
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
