Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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